Reframing the burden
- Michelle Wallace
- 7 hours ago
- 5 min read
Reclaiming what women bring to the workplace - with pride
Every International Women's Day, my feed fills up with posts about the great plight we face as women. And every time I read them, I feel worse. Not inspired, more deflated. Like being an ambitious working woman is some kind of heavy burden to carry rather than something to be celebrated.
What gets to me most is how these posts reframe qualities I'm genuinely proud of, my empathy, my conscientiousness, my care, as problems to be solved or damage to be managed. They're framed as evidence of systemic unfairness, rather than as real, valuable strengths we bring to the table.
Before we go any further, it's worth naming something: stereotype threat. Psychologist Claude Steele's landmark research showed that when women are reminded of negative stereotypes about their gender, even subtly, even just being asked their gender, it measurably affects their performance and confidence.
Subsequent research by scholars including Valerie Purdie-Greenaway has built on this to show just how pervasive the effect is. This matters here because when well-meaning IWD posts lead with everything that's stacked against us, there's a real risk they compound the very problem they're trying to highlight. Framing women's traits as deficits doesn't just feel discouraging, it has a documented psychological cost. If you want to go deeper on this, Steele's book Whistling Vivaldi is a good place to start.
I want to be clear about what I'm not saying. I'm not saying the structural work is done, because it isn't. Pay gaps, underrepresentation at senior and more technical levels, the unequal distribution of unpaid labour, bias in hiring and promotion, these are real, they're documented, and they need to change. What I'm pushing back on is the idea that the only response available to us while we wait for those structures to shift is to feel burdened by our own qualities.
We've come a long way. There's a long way still to go. Both things are true. And in the meantime, I don't want to succeed by becoming more like someone else. I want to succeed as the woman I am, and because of the woman I am. I want the qualities we bring to the workplace, our conscientiousness, our loyalty, our intuition, our care, to be valued, not apologised for.
Below are some of the "burdens" I keep seeing in those posts and my attempt to flip the script.
Burden: Providing a disproportionate amount of emotional support
REFRAME: LEADING WITH EMPATHY
Showing compassion and emotion in the workplace isn't a weakness; it's a superpower that most organisations desperately need more of. The evidence backs this up: McKinsey's Women in the Workplace research consistently finds that women leaders are significantly more likely to practise empathetic leadership and invest in their teams' wellbeing, and that these behaviours are strongly correlated with better retention, higher engagement, and more resilient teams. Fairer, more human-centred workplaces don't happen by accident. They're built by people who give a damn about how others feel.
WHAT WE CAN DO
Get better at naming the value of this quality explicitly. When empathy drives a better team outcome, say so. When emotional intelligence stops a difficult conversation from derailing, point to it. In doing that, we don't just protect our own contribution, we make it easier for the men around us to bring more of it too.
Burden: Self-doubt
REFRAME: HOLDING YOURSELF TO A HIGH STANDARD
Self-doubt isn't weakness, it's the internal voice of someone who takes their work seriously and thinks carefully before acting. It's conscientious risk assessment. The people who never doubt themselves? They're often the ones who should.
WHAT WE CAN DO
You're doing brilliantly. Keep moving forward. When the self-doubt gets loud, make yourself answer it, not silence it, answer it. List the reasons you are capable, brilliant and worthy of the seat you're in. Reprogram your inner critic to be your greatest advocate, because frankly, she's already working overtime, she might as well be on your side.
Reprogram your inner critic to be your greatest advocate, because frankly, she's already working overtime, she might as well be on your side
Burden: Imposter syndrome
REFRAME: LEADING WITH HUMILITY
Here's a secret I've learned from spending time at leadership tables: nobody really knows what they're talking about. Everyone is human. Everyone is flawed. Everyone is, to varying degrees, making it up as they go. The difference is that women tend to internalise the uncertainty, while others have somehow convinced themselves and everyone else that uncertainty doesn't apply to them. It does. I promise you it does.
The most aggressive, the most defensive, the most performatively confident people in the room are usually the ones working hardest to hide how out of their depth they feel. Imposter syndrome, by contrast, is a sign that you're doing something hard enough to matter, that you're learning, stretching, growing. Research by Basima Tewfik at MIT found that people who experience imposter thoughts actually tend to be rated as more interpersonally effective by their colleagues. So there's that.
The day you stop feeling a little like an imposter is probably the day you've stopped growing.
WHAT WE CAN DO
Go for the job you're not quite qualified for. The very worst that happens is you don't get it, and you'll have practised interviewing, made a contact, and learned something. Speak up in the meeting, even when you're not sure. Ask for the stretch tasks. And remember: most of the people who speak up with complete, unshakeable confidence have absolutely no more idea than you do. They're just louder about it.
Burden: Being hard on yourself
REFRAME: COMMITTING TO CONTINUOUS SELF-REFLECTION
Women tend to reflect. A lot. We replay conversations, examine our choices, wonder how we could have done better. This can be exhausting, but it's also one of the most powerful learning tools there is. Amy Edmondson's research on psychological safety shows that teams that feel safe to reflect, admit mistakes and learn from them consistently outperform those that don't. Women who reflect naturally and honestly are effectively modelling the behaviour that high-performing teams are built on.
WHAT WE CAN DO
Use it. Be the person in your team who makes it normal to say "I got that wrong, here's what I'd do differently." Create space for the people around you to do the same. That kind of culture is something most workplaces are crying out for, and you're already practising it.
We are not victims. We don't want to show up as watered-down versions of our male counterparts. We need to celebrate what we bring to the workplace, as individuals, as women, and we need to start with ourselves.
Happy International Women's Day (a day or two late, ‘cause there’s a lot on right now).
If this resonated with you
Share it with a woman who needs to hear it today. Or drop a comment and tell me which one landed most. And if you're interested in exploring Gallup Strengths for your leadership team, I'd love to talk.
Take care and stay well!
Michelle Wallace
Founder
A Better Work
At A Better Work we work with our clients to make work better and more fulfilling. It's not about happiness; it's about feeling a sense of accomplishment and building teams that work brilliantly together in good times and bad.
If you want to elevate your team's performance while creating a more engaged work environment. Your Next Step: Reach Out and Let’s Make It Happen Together!
To join the Make Work Better Movement, sign up below to get a weekly tweak like this direct to your inbox.
Let’s make work better together.
Comments